By Emma Pearson @emma_pear

DRESSED from head to toe in frills and pretty bows, Lolita Fahr Sindram looks a picture of femininity

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Videographer / director: Thomas White, Rory Dunning
Producer: Emma Pearson, Nick Johnson
Editor: Joshua Douglas

Gender neutral: Fahr splits her days and dresses as both male and female

But on days when she isn’t wearing cutesy dresses and dolly shoes, Fahr dresses as a male comic book character.

Gender neutral Fahr, who is genetically female, splits every day between being dressed as Marvel super-villain Loki and a sweet Lolita princess.

The 34-year-old says the two personas allow her to explore life as both a masculine male and a feminine female in the most extreme ways – and she has spent almost £20,000 on her two looks.

Fahr said: “I just know I am somewhere in the middle and there are days when I feel more like a man and other days I’m more drawn to more look like a woman.

“I dress extreme because I am very extreme on the inside. My imagination is absolutely wild. I have to have an outlet.”

Exploration: Fahr claims the lifestyle gives her an insight into both sexes

Fahr, who lives in Edinburgh, had a liberal upbringing in Berlin, Germany, and was encouraged by her parents to express herself regardless of gender stereotypes.

In her late twenties she began to feel torn between masculinity and femininity and five years ago she decided to do away with gender all together.

Fahr said: “I had good days where I felt ‘oh this is great, this is princess, this is really cool, I feel like a girl I look perfect’.

Express yourself: She was encouraged to disregard gender stereotypes

“And then I had days where I was like, ‘I feel like I’m an imposter, I feel like I am a man pretending to be a woman in a dress’.

“Five years ago I just said to myself ‘I will not identify with female gender anymore’."

Now Fahr spends at least an hour every morning assessing whether she feels like a man or a woman.

She spends her ‘man days’ dressed as Loki, and has even shaved her hairline to look like actor Tom Hiddleston, who plays the character in the Hollywood movies.

Trying times: Fahr spends more than an hour getting ready every day

On her ‘girly days’, Fahr dons a sleek wig and puts on a twee Lolita-style dress from her £12,000 collection.

Fahr said: “Some days I wake up and it’s a girl day and some days I wake up and it’s a boy day.

“When I wear Loki I try to be a little bit like sexy and I flirt with all the girls.

“When I wear Lolita I often try and behave like a lady.”

Glad rags: Fahr has an extensive £12,000 dress collection

Fahr has been dressing in Japanese Lolita fashion since 2009.

She first started cosplaying as Loki for fun in 2011 and she gradually became famous online for her likeness to the character.

Fahr now has 100,000 online followers and admits that the character has become an obsession.

She has spent over £7,000 on her Loki outfits and is now hoping to have a nose job to complete the look.

Big following: Fahr has more than 100,000 online followers

Worryingly she even admits to starving herself in the past to achieve the lean look of the character - at one point living on just apples and coffee.

Fahr said: “Loki for me is like an escape to hyper-masculinity. Lolita on the other hand is for me to feel pretty."

Despite the benefits of her lifestyle, Fahr admits that there are negatives to living through made up characters and says she has lost sense of her own identity.

Hard times: Fahr's commitment has had a huge impact on her life and she once survived only on coffee and apples

Last year she suffered a breakdown because she ‘didn’t know who she was anymore’.

Fahr shaved off all of her hair in an attempt to start afresh, but without her long Loki locks she began to feel even more lost.

Fahr said: “It was a bad decision because after that I felt like I was not me, not him. Not anything.

Existential crisis: Last year Fahr suffered a breakdown after she shaved off her hair

“Of course I knew I wasn’t a Norse God but I’d lost my sense of self.”

Now Fahr tries to spend some time in neutral clothes and feels more comfortable as herself.

Fahr, a comic book writer and illustrator, has also been praised for her work in child protection.

Her comic ‘Losing Neverland’ was recognised by the European Council of Sustainability for highlighting the dangers of child pornography.

Serious work: Along with her cosplay Fahr is also involved with child protection
Avengers assemble: Fahr's Loki look has brought her some famous fans

But her work can be undermined because of her online fame.

Fahr said: “Making comics and books for children is really important to me and many children come to my signings and I read to them.

“But just imagine, I read to children and in the back of the same room Loki fans are shouting for me. It was so stressful.”

Moving on: Fahr now spends a lot of her time in neutral clothes and feels more comfortable as herself

Fahr met her partner William through a cosplay chat room three years ago.

And William understands Fahr’s gender issues better than most.

The 36-year-old teacher identifies as a transgender male, and is supportive of Fahr’s lifestyle.

 

Flexibility: Fahr enjoys being able to appear as a male or female depending on how she is feeling

William said: “I do feel like I have a boyfriend and girlfriend and that is fantastic.

“Personally I think everyone should be free to be who they are.

“I feel a lot better presenting as male and living as male every day but that is not the case for everyone and I think Fahr is is a lot more complicated and has more difficulty than me actually because it can be changed from day to day.

“I actually love both. I have no preference between the two. Most of all I love Fahr as Fahr.”

Acceptance: She claims that it only matters that people she loves accept her
Just a person: Fahr does not like to define herself as either male or female

Professor of Feminist and Queer Legal Studies at The University of Edinburgh, Sharon Cowan, says that Fahr’s behaviour is not untypical of gender queer people - although the wider population may find it unusual.

Professor Cowan said: “Fahr likes the idea of having the flexibility to move between different ways of expressing her body.

“I think her options are generally around her outward expressions and to be honest I think she’s nailed that already in the sense that she is expressing her gender in ways that make her happy.”

Fahr currently has no plans to stop dressing as her alter-egos.

She said: “I’m a person - I think that’s how I define myself.

“I don’t have to fit into this shape or that shape. I have the acceptance of the people I love and that is all that matters.”